My first week in Haiti, I had the opportunity to sit in on our consortium meetings. The consortium is made up of key Haitian leaders as well as American pastors and church who are coming together to talk about what the Haitian as well as American church needs.

So grateful for the opportunity to sit and listen to these men who care deeply about impacting their country for Christ as well how, we, as the universal Church can speak into one another.

Check out this video and this video for a glimpse of our meetings and the work the consortium is doing.

Standing Out

I do not like to stand out. I do not like having all of the attention on me. I show up early so as to avoid all the turning heads you get when you walk in late. I do not like talking in front of people knowing every eye is on me. I want to blend in. I want to be just another person in the crowd.

I am white. That fact alone means there is no blending in. I stand out. And for the most part I have become used to it here. But honestly, there are times where it really bothers me. 

Today during our VBS in a local community, there were a couple kids who were trying to get my attention, kids who already knew my name.

 “Ou, Ou. Blan!”  Blan is what everyone calls a white person. 

I walked over and again said, “Mwen rele Andrea!” and then helped them with what they needed.

As we drove home, the kids along the side of the rode gave us big smiles and waved as they yelled blan. I smile and wave back. And usually I enjoy that. But today, I was just tired of being different. I was tired of standing out. I was tired of all of the stares.

My next thoughts were I am looking forward to going home where I dont have to be different anymore. But then as the Holy Spirit does, I heard, “Arent you supposed to stand out wherever you are?” Isn’t there supposed to be a noticeable difference in the things you say and do? Aren’t you always “a stranger in this land” This world is not your home. Shouldn't your joy, grace, compassion, love, and forgiveness cause you to stand out in the crowd?

We are supposed to be lights and what stands out more than a light in a dark room?

1 Peter 2:9-12  But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy. Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us.

9,000 Words...or just 9 Pictures

Words of any significance are escaping me right now. So I leave with you some pictures.

A view from the hill above our house.

Market Day

Enjoying a break at the beach

A rainbow outside our house

We drove to the top of city to look out over PAP. Venders were there selling their paintings.

Colorful Haiti

Learning to chop coconuts

Overlooking PAP

A night of worship...in English. So good for my soul!

Chikungunya.

Chikungunya.

Everyone is saying it these days. I only wish it was some new lingo that all the cool kids are using. It is, however, a topic of conversation for everyone.

This new mosquito born virus is rampantly making its way around Haiti. If you dont already have it, you know someone who does. It is rainy season here which means a lot more standing water and more mosquitos!

Unfortunately I was one of them. Fortunately, I had mild case compared to many.

Fever. Sever join point. rash.

I was out of commission for about 3-4 days. I have heard of others who have been out for up to 2 weeks. There is no medication or vaccination for this. All you can do is rest, stay hydrated and take pain medication and let it runs it course.

I have had the luxury of being able to do all of those things. I say luxury because the reality is most Haitian don’t have easy access to most of those things.

I have the ability to rest without worry about who where my next meal will come from. The reality is for most Haitians, staying at home means you aren’t out working. Not working means no income which probably means no food.

I have the ability to lay in my relatively comfortable bed with a fan to help keep me cool. The reality is many Haitians have their entire family living in a house not much bigger the the room I sleep in, without electricity.

I have the ability to drink plenty of clean water. The reality is most Haitians will have to walk to the local well to get water.

Pray for Haiti. Pray that those affected will heal quickly.

Global Fingerprints

Today was our Global Fingerprints day where all the sponsored kids come and have fun. Unfortunately, I was unable to attend because a little mosquito decided to pass along a little illness to me and I needed to stay home and try to recover.

So what is Global Fingerprints, you ask? Let me tell you.
Global Fingerprints is ReachGlobals child sponsorship program. I know some people have some strong opinions about child sponsorship programs that out there but let me tell you a little about Haiti and how this program works here.

Here in Haiti, orphanages create orphans. What do I mean by that? Orphanages come in with the promise of a roof over the child’s head. Food. Education. Parents cant afford to care for all of their children so they send some to an orphanage. And this is becoming more and more socially acceptable. I cannot begin to imagine the desperation a mother and father face when they consider giving up their children.

I have heard the statistic that about 85% of the kids in orphanages in Haiti are not orphans in the true sense of the word. One or both of their parents are still alive. Their aunts, uncles, grandparents are still around. 

This is one of the ways Global Fingerprints comes in. They are committed to keeping kids in their families. Each child in the program is living with his or her family. 

GF has chosen to work through a local church called Source de la Grace in Port au Prince. Who knows the needs of their community better than those actually living there?! One of their desires was that this program wouldn't be just for their church. About 40% of the children in the program do not attend their church. What an incredible outreach to see the local church reaching out to its community and experiencing the love of Christ through that.

Through this program, the children will be provided with: 

• education (tuition, uniforms, shoes, books and supplies),
  - health care (preventative education, vaccines, clean water, diagnosis/treatment by doctors),
  - nutrition education and supplementation,
  - social development (healthy relationships, Biblical world view, character, boundaries), and
  - spiritual teaching, training and love

About a month ago, I had the privilege of watching two children receive glasses for the first time as a result of the health care they received through the program. Now they dont have to struggle in school anymore.

Change a life. Change a community. Sponsor a child http://go.efca.org/ministries/reachglobal/globalfingerprints 

Dependence

I tend to think of myself as independent. I take care of myself and I think I do it pretty well. I can do what I want and go where I want. 

All of that is irrelevant here. I am dependent on everyone else. I cannot talk on my own. Even though I am taking Creole lesson and am finding that sometimes I am able to somewhat get the gist of what is being said, every time I want to say something, all of the words I do know are some how are no where to be found. 

I cannot go anywhere on my own. 1. language, see above. 2. safety. 3. I have no idea where i would am going (and there really aren't many places to go). 4. traffic in Haiti is like traffic in So CA on drugs. 5. If 1-4 weren’t issues, I don’t even know how to drive a stick shift, which all of the cars happen to be.

I was making banana bread this morning and I couldn’t even get the oven to turn on.

And not to mention there are still things I learning about culture and the way things work around here. Jen has been so gracious and kind in helping me with literally everything. But for someone who is used to doing it all on her own, this is tough.

As I was sitting today with my journal on my lap, I started to write about my frustrations with not being able to do anything for myself and being in this place of dependence. 

And God was saying that is exactly where I need to be. 

Continually.

In complete dependence on him.

He says his power is made perfect in my weakness. He wants me dependent on him so he can work. But I fight it. I fight it by continuing to try on my own. Or by freezing and not being able try at all. 

A sweet, new friend gave me this verse, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having everything you need, you will abound in every good work. “ 2 Cor 9:8

So grateful for a God whose power is not limited by my limitations. He will give me what I need and he will give it to me when I need it. He is continuing to say, keep going. Keep trying. I've got this. 

Shiny Stars in a Pile of Trash

This morning a team of 13 left to go back home. As soon as they drove off, we began to clean up for the 30 Brazilians who were coming over for dinner. Tomorrow another team arrives.

As we sat outside during a debrief time this morning, one of the girls shared about her experience working at the clinic and she said that place is a shiny star in a pile of trash.

One of the observations many of them had was about how much trash there is all over the place. We were at an incredible beach yesterday and as the wind began to blow, the shore was soon filled with plastic bottles and trash. 

And I have to admit, that as I look around, it can be discouraging. Haiti will not change overnight. As I sat in the Constortium meetings the first few days I was here, the Haitian leaders and Americans talked about how bringing change is a long process. Its about relationship and discipleship and those are a process. Even in these states as I see the brokeness, the evil, the pain that fills this world, and those glimmers of hope, those shiny stars, get harder to see.

I love that I get a mini Bible lesson during my Creole class. Franck, my teacher, finds a way to incorporate it in whatever he is teaching me that day. One day he is teaching me vocabulary having to do with food. Why not have a lesson on what Haitians eat during the Lent season. And if we are talking about Lent, we have to talk about Easter and what and why we celebrate. These lessons are nothing new to me. But there is something different in his voice when he talks about these things. Hope. He has hope in the one who died on this good Friday. He has hope in the one who rose again on Easter. He has hope that God will one day return and make all things right. All that is wrong in this world, in Haiti, will be made whole again. All of the suffering that is seen on a daily basis. All of the broken and sick. All those piles of trash will be gone. 

But until that day comes, there are shiny stars. There are glimmers of hope all around. There is the abundance of joy the Haitians have while they sit in their tent praying for enough food to feed their family. There is a deeper understanding that there is more to this world than things when you ask what they want prayer for and their response is to have a stronger faith. And there are those incredible men and women whom I have met who have committed their lives to living in Haiti to be shiny stars, to ultimately share with the Haitians the one thing that will last, eternal life. 

Sometimes its easy to walk around with your eyes closed to keep from seeing hopelessness all around you. But I am realizing that also means I can't see all that God is already doing. 

Death looks like it wins, right up until it doesnt. He is risen. He is risen, Indeed!

How much more.

Chet and I have been dating for 6 months. I couldn't have imagined all of the joy he has brought me. 

I am living in Haiti for three months. Being away from Chet has probably been the hardest aspects of this so far...harder than I anticipated. We have been fortunate in that we have been able to communicate in some form every day since I left. Even though being apart is hard, we both agree that it will be good for us in the long run. We get to work on really communicating with one another. Listening to one another. Caring for one another. And continuing to learn about one another. All while 3000 miles apart. We are forced to be intentional with our time. It is easy to ‘be’ together while sitting on the couch watching an episode of Alias. And I love those  moments, but it takes more thought, more time, more energy to be together while we are apart.

So we have started asking each other questions everyday. Silly questions. Serious questions. Just to be intentional with the other person. Each morning, the first thing I do is read his email. I eat it up. I cant wait to see how he answered whatever questions I asked. And I learn something new about him. 

There have been moments when my own insecurities start to fill my mind and I don’t understand why Chet loves me, I hear God’s voice saying, How much more, Andrea. How much more do I love you. This human love is just a glimpse of how much I love you and want to be with you. As I laid on my bed this afternoon, I began to think about relationships and how that is one of God’s way of showing his love for us. I thought about how we are really trying to be intentional (I keep using this word, I don’t have another good one) with each other and how easy it is to stop. Then I thought about how much easier it is to stop being intentional with God. 

As I sat this morning, watching the chickens and lizards and goats (Im pretty sure these chicken lizards and goats are going to make it into every post) I was reminded of the Do not worry verses in Matthew. He cares for those chickens and lizards and goats. HOW MUCH MORE does he care for me!

The Creator of the Universe who knows me. Loves me. And wants me. All of me. Is waiting each morning for me to sit with him as he tells me and shows me more about himself. I just need to show up and listen.

Today.

It’s Friday morning. I have my cup of coffee. Im staring out the balcony window at the clucking chickens down below who are scratching the ground underneath the mango tree, looking for worms I assume. Down the street, mama goat is frantically calling for her baby who likes to wander around. Baby goat, who is quite possibly the cutest baby goat, pretty much ignores mama goat’s cry until she gets scared or is hungry. A lizard just jumped onto a giant leaf and scurried away. Drops of water are still falling from the trees after a big rain last night. 

I have been here two weeks now and am beginning to figure out the routine of daily life here. When I think about all these 3 months entail, it overwhelms me. I am reminded to be present. Today. Right now. 

“This is the day that I have made. Rejoice and be gland in it. Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life. Be careful not to complain about anything, even the weather, since I am the Author of your circumstances…I knew what I was doing when I divided time into 24 hour segments. I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time…there is abundant life in my presence today.”      -Jesus Calling

I laughed to myself as I read, Be careful not to complain about anything, even the weather… It’s hot. It’s humid. It’s kind of gross sometimes….a lot of times. 

The Lord is my Shepherd today. He restores my soul today. He gives me what I need today. For his name sake, he leads me in paths of righteousness, today. I will fear no evil, today. He is with me, today. He comforts me, today. My cup overflows, today. 

A few random facts about Ayiti

In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue...to Haiti!

Children are taught in French in school. They don't  have a Creole class even though Creole is the official language.

Haiti's currency is the Haitian Dollar. However, the dollar doesn't actually exist. It is all in gourdes. When you go to the market, the price will be in dollars. There are about 44 gourdes to 1 Haitian dollar and about 8 Haitian dollars to $1 US. Confused? Me too! 

I see almost as many Haitians walking a goat or cow as I would Americans walking their dog. I love that! The goats are cute. Really cute. 

Geckos are often guests at dinner. 

Geckos make noises like birds when in love….according to my sister. ;)

When counting in Creole, it is all very normal until you get to 70. Instead of counting 71, 72, 73 ect. You say 60 11, 60 12, 60 13 ect. Once you get to 80 you are back to normal….until 90 then its weird again. 

Also, I spent the last 30 minutes trying to get some pictures on here. Slow internet and a computer freeze means only two pictures made it.

At New Horizons Orphanage

One of Haiti's Beautiful Beaches

Week 1

I have been here about a week now and have spent each day in meetings. The first several days were with just the team as we talked through our top strengths individually and as a team. We discussed the cultural challenges that can come up working on an international team as well as working in Haiti.

By Monday we had 30 people here who are part of the Haiti Constortium (Haitian Partners, US churches, International Church). We spent the next few days in meetings talking through what it looks like to bring the vision of the Consortium to a reality in Haiti. “To see an indigenous, disciple making and multiplying church, with in walking distance of every Haitian, which demonstrates and engages in proclaiming the transforming power of the gospel.”  

Some of the topics included disciple making and the Haitian worldview. Each night my head was spinning as I sat all day listening to these Haitian men who have incredible influence in their country, talk about what the need is in Haiti and how we can play a role in that and how the Haitian Church has just as much to give to the American church as well. The issues such as disciple making and world views are just as much of an issue in America as they are in Haiti. It was cool to see how we can learn from one another.

The last six months have been an emotional roller coster with incredible highs and really difficult situations. The last three months have been a whirlwind of getting ready to come here. Combine those with little time to process through it all with the fact that I am now in a foreign county for the next three months and that makes for a melt down my first night in Haiti!

Actually the melt down started at the airport and continued on the airplane. My dear friends sent cards with me, with the intention of reading one a day…well, I hadn’t even made it to Miami before I had them all opened. 

But God has been gracious to me and each day has been a little better than the one before. I am looking forward to figuring out more of what my role will be while I am here!

And once I figure out how to get pictures from my phone to my computer to this blog, you might actually be able to see a bit of Haiti...maybe... :)

Blessings

A couple weeks ago I was talking with some friends about my upcoming trip. Some one asked me, "Why do you want to go?" This is one of a few questions that I dont have an answer that satisfies the one asking it. And at times it doesnt satisfy me. I cant give you bullet pointed reasons as to why I want to go to Haiti. Right now, my answer is because of obedience. This idea of going to Haiti is exciting! It is sure to be full of challenges, growth, seeing change and fun. It is an adventure. The reality of going to Haiti is all of those things, but the challenge part sticks out more than the exciting part. Dont get me wrong, I want to go. But there have been so many time where not going would have been so much easier. There have been many what in the world am I doing moments that could have been avoided if I chose not to go. Because I could have chosen to say no. I didnt HAVE to go. In processing thought my decision to go, many told me there is no right or wrong answer. God will not punish you if you dont go. (I do wonder if God would be disappointed if I said no, in the way a parent is disapointed in a child when they are asked to do something and they chose to ignore it)

But disappointing God was not a reason for saying yes. 

As I look back through old journals I see over and over the prayers asking God for direction. Asking God whats next. Asking God what role Haiti plays in this. Asking, Asking, Asking. And over and over I would be so frustrated and the lack of an answer when I wanted it. 

He gave me an answer. As I questioned my answer I realized, How can I keep asking God what He has for me only to say, no thanks, not now, thats too hard? 

 

So, I am going to Haiti because I want to be obedient to My Father who has given me what I wanted: An answer as to what is next as the same time fufilling a desire of my heart. I want to live a life that is willing to listen and response immediately when He speaks. 

And, selfishly, I want the continued blessings (and lessons) that have come out of this whirlwind season of saying yes.

This process to get to this point has been LONG. But the time from which I was accepted and 'officially' going to Haiti til my plane touches down in Haiti will have been a little over 2 months.  

WHIRLWIND. 

There have been so many times in these last few months where I have been given gentle reminders that God is in control. He is the ONLY one who is able to work all of this out. 

And He can do SO MUCH MORE than I could ever imagine. 

I have done everything I can to minimize the bills I will have at home while I am gone. One thing I did was rent out my room. The first girl decided not to rent it. I scrambled to find someone else. The second girl said yes, and it was going to work better than the first. She back out and that same day someone else came and it will work even better than the first two girls. Each time, I freaked out and wondered what I would do. Not renting my room meant another $1600 to raise. Each time, I said what I have said so many times before, God you HAVE to come through on this. And Each time, He did. Each time, better than before. 

I had everything taken care of only to have another unexpected bill..another $1000. This time, it was a melt down. Once again, God provided, reminding me that I can try as hard as I can, but He is the one who is working it all out. 

The middle of January, I was talking with friends and said I have to raise $1000 a week to make my goal of leaving the end of March. That sounds so overwhelming to me and to everyone I talked with. How in the world would I raise $8000 in only 8 weeks. Everyone asked me what I was going to do to raise the money. I had already sent out support letters. I was feeling discouraged and like I wasnt doing enough. But there was no time to do anything else. The month of February and March was pretty much full. Unusually full. Things that I had no control over kept coming up and taking away my time. I remember laying in bed one Saturday morning in the middle of February (only 4 weeks ago!!), again discouraged that I 0% support raise. ZERO. Again, another gentle reminder of who is really in charge. And here I am 4 weeks later having  ALL. 100%. EVERYTHING. of the support I needed*. If you are doing the math, I averaged $2000 a week! And what is even more amazing is the majority of my support came from unexpected people and places. 

(*I have 100% of my support committed)

And to top it off, I was given two free tickets to Disneyland before I leave. Just two days prior, Chet and I were talking about how we wanted to go there. 

He hears, friends. He hears and he responds. In big way and in the smallest ways. 

I had a friend tell me this is a season of blessings. And I do not disagree, because IT IS! God has been POURING them out on me. God loves to bless his people. I think God will bless his people even if they arent obedient. But I think I have come to believe that his blessing ABOUND when we are obedient to Him. I never would have exprienced all of those blessing, had I not said yes to what He was asking of me! I never would have experienced his love and grace the way I did these last few months had I not said yes. 

I think back to the promises God made with his people in the Old Testament. Over and Over he blesses his people when they obey. "...all these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the Lord your God..." (Deut 28)  

He tells us to obey then he will bless!

I have been able to purchase a plane ticket! I am chosing to believe that this was even another blessing from the Lord. He knew how much this was frustrating me being I was so close to my anticipapted departure date (They ask that I have 95% of my support raised before I purchase a ticket, however I was given the go ahead to purchase it when I was only at 75% trusting that I would get the addiational funds. 

So this means I am 16 days away from boarding the plane. There is still lots to do. Lots to process. Please pray for me as those doubts and fears creep in becuase I know they will. Pray that I will have boldness to step into what ever is asked of me while I am there. 

He is faithful. 

He is good. 

His ways are not mine. 

He can do IMMEASURABLY MORE than I could ever ask for. 

I am a professional worrier. Its what I do and I do it well! If nothing else, this process has been a lesson in letting go and trusting. There have been so many times where I have to take a step back and rememeber why I am doing this. I believe God has led me to this point, so I have to trust that he will continue.

"I am leading you, step by step, through your life. Hold my hand in trusting dependence, letting me guide you through this day. Your future looks uncertain and feels flimsy- even precarious. That is how it should be. Secret things belong to the Lord, and future things are secret things. When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping as things that are mine. This, like all forms or worry, is an act of rebellion: doubting my promises to care for you.

When you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to me. I will show you the next step forward, and the one after that, and the one after that. Relax and enjoy the journey in My presence, trusting me to open up the way before you as you go" -Jesus Calling

More

I sat in bed on Saturday morning feeling discouraged. A major detail I thought was taken care of had just fallen through. And I was at 0% support raised. My desperate prayers have sounds like, "Ok, God. If you want me do this, then you have a lot of work to do to make this happen." There are some days where I can remind myself that God is good. He is faithful. And that simple reminder will help me let go of the fear I am holding on to. There are other days, like Saturday, where I have to say it over and over and hope that the more I say it, the more I will believe it. 

I pulled up my devotional that day and read, "Rest in the comfort of My presence, remembering that nothing is impossible with Me. Pry your mind away from your  problems so you can focus your attention on Me. Recall that I am able to do immeasurably more than all you ask or imagine."

By the end of that weeekend, I was close to having 10% of my support raised as well as finding out those details that fell through were taken care of once again, working out even better than before. 

Thankfully, God's goodness isnt dependent on my ability to believe it!

I continue to repeat the words to my favorite song at the moment:

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

I looked at my calendar this last week and was overwhelmed with all that needs to be done in such a short amount of time. While I dont have a plane ticket yet (I have to have 95% of my support raise before I can purchase it) , I am hoping to leave by the end of March. 6 weeks away.

Living in another country for 3 months. Dependence on others to help get me to Haiti. Language. Little time to process what I am actually stepping into. A busy schedule the next month and a half. As overwhelming as it all it as times, I am getting more and more excited about going.

Would you pray:

• For all of the details that need to come together before I go.
• Safety
• Boldness and openness to whatever God wants to do 
• That I would make time to be in prayer and in the word before I go.
• Peace

I am still in need of supporters. Would you consider helping me get to Haiti?

Go to www.efca.org/give

Click on Give Now. Be sure to put Andrea France (2803) in the designation field.

Delight

I was sitting at Panera yesterday killing some time before I had to go to Life group. I thought I would work on my personal ministry description for Haiti. There are four areas where I have to write what I want my goals to be : Personal, Language, Cultural Adaptation, Ministry (Teams/Partners). I love that Touch Global wants to tailor these positions to fit what I need/want and what they need/want. 

I sat there for a minute and tried to think about what my goals should be. I began to pray asking God what he wanted for me out of this time, both leading up to go and while I am there. But I felt stuck. I didnt quite know what else to pray. This is such an exciting time for me both personally and also in regards to this trip and there has been so much to do that sitting and asking God what he wanted was hard and I felt at a loss. 

Yesterday morning, as I read my daily list of blogs, I came across one of a young woman who has recently adopted two little girls from Africa. She writes this: 

As this beauty has unfolded, I’ve had to wonder if Jesus has been praying for me, His daughter – praying that my attachment to Him would be secure, that I would not respond to Him out of old wounds and habits, that God would build in me everything necessary to enjoy life as His daughter. I don’t know what God did to prepare my daughters’ hearts for me, but I wonder if this adoption – and so many other uncertain moments of my life – has been the deliberate and gracious action of a God who is building something new in me just as He is doing in my children (the two in my arms and the ones I don’t yet know). We’re still just inching our way towards healing over here and not every day is easy, but the road feels as if it has been paved by a God who delights in showing off just how much He can do when we stop to ask. I began to think about Jesus praying for me. The verses in Hebrews 7 came to mind:

²⁵ Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

²⁶ Such a high priest truly meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens.

Jesus is interceding for me before my Father. He knows what I need. He knows what work needs to be done in my heart. He knows the details that still need to be completed. And He has a work for me to do. 

He knows Me! 

And He is going before God on my behalf. 

The word Delight came to mind. One of my favorite verses has been, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you desires of your heart." The last few months God has shown how he delights in me through the love of others. And that is how I felt as I thought about Jesus praying for me. Delight.

I sat there imagining Jesus talking to God. About me. For me.

Telling him my fears. Asking that I be given joy and excitement.

Telling him my insecurities. Asking that I be filled with confidence in who He made me to be.

I imgained him laughing and shaking his head as his girl struggles, yet again, to trust. Asking that I would be given grace and faith to believe in who God is. 

And I imagined Jesus, with a huge smile on his face, telling God, "She did it! She finally took a step into what we put on her heart so long along."

I can say God loves me. I think I tend to think of God's love for me in a, he has to love me, like a parent has to love their kid, sense. But he doesnt just love me. 

HE DELIGHTS IN ME!

He longs for me to be more like him and he is going to the Father, asking that he smooth out the rough edges. That he heal the broken pieces. That he nuture and care for me as I try to be obedient. 

And even thought I dont have the words to pray at the moment. Even though I dont even know what I need. 

He does.

He is praying.

The Beginning

I have received my acceptance as a three month intern with ReachGlobal in Haiti.

Getting to this point in the process has been a long journey for me. I would say it began years ago when I went on my first misssion trip to Brazil in 2003. That trip was the first of four to that incredible country and began my desire to be involved in international missions. 

Through my trips to Brazil, I developed a relationship with Steve and Liz Spellman who are Reach Gobal Missionaries to Brazil and Haiti since the earthquake in 2010. 

Last year, I was in a place personally where I just wanted to go, anywhere. To get out of my daily routine and be apart of something bigger than myself. To be willing and open to what and where God called. After a conversation with Steve, he suggested that I join he and Liz in Haiti for a week and just see what they are involved in. 

So in August of 2012, I flew to Haiti. I spent a week visiting Reach Global partners, sweating, exploring the town of Gressier, sweating, going on prayer walks with a visiting team from Brazil, sweating and enjoying the beauty of this county. Oh, and sweating!

I came home from that trip having left my heart in another country yet again. For the next year, I would think about this place almost daily. My prayer was (and continues to be) that God would give clarity on what my next steps should be and how this place fits into it. 

As I shared my thoughts with friends many of them would say why dont you just go? I would proceed to give my list of legitimate excuses. Things that are valid but in all reality are just my reasons for not wanting to step out and do something like this. It was three days after returning from Hait that I went skydiving and parallels that I saw between jumping out of a plane and my spiritual life have been a guiding factor in getting to this point (read about that adventure HERE)

Months passed by and the desire to go back to Haiti for a more substantial amount of time only grew. I was finally at a point of being able to let go of the things that were holding me back  and in August of 2013 I emailed Steve about what the possibilities of going would be. I received an application and then life happened. A death in the family, feeling empty and burnt out from my serving responsibilities at church and the excitment of a new boyfriend!!!! The application was put on the back burner but it continued to make its way to the front of my mind.

I had to remind myself that I had been thinking about and praying for this opportunity for over a year. God has given me two desires of my heart at the same time! Here were two answers to prayer and  I asked God why He couldnt have spaced them out. It has been a lesson on trusting in God's goodness and a lesson in obedience. 

So I finally submitted my application, a week later had my phone interview and two days after that I received my acceptance letter. My work has graciously given me a leave of absense for those 3 months. And that is where I am now! I am in the process of filling out paperwork, fundrasing and preparing my heart and mind for what will be an exciting (and challenging) adventure. 

My anticipated leave date is the end of March. There is much to get done, but I am getting excited about what lies ahead.

I look foward to sharing my journey with you and ask that you pray for me during this time.

The song below has become my prayer as I prepare to leave.

OCEANS

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior