Delight

I was sitting at Panera yesterday killing some time before I had to go to Life group. I thought I would work on my personal ministry description for Haiti. There are four areas where I have to write what I want my goals to be : Personal, Language, Cultural Adaptation, Ministry (Teams/Partners). I love that Touch Global wants to tailor these positions to fit what I need/want and what they need/want. 

I sat there for a minute and tried to think about what my goals should be. I began to pray asking God what he wanted for me out of this time, both leading up to go and while I am there. But I felt stuck. I didnt quite know what else to pray. This is such an exciting time for me both personally and also in regards to this trip and there has been so much to do that sitting and asking God what he wanted was hard and I felt at a loss. 

Yesterday morning, as I read my daily list of blogs, I came across one of a young woman who has recently adopted two little girls from Africa. She writes this: 

As this beauty has unfolded, I’ve had to wonder if Jesus has been praying for me, His daughter – praying that my attachment to Him would be secure, that I would not respond to Him out of old wounds and habits, that God would build in me everything necessary to enjoy life as His daughter. I don’t know what God did to prepare my daughters’ hearts for me, but I wonder if this adoption – and so many other uncertain moments of my life – has been the deliberate and gracious action of a God who is building something new in me just as He is doing in my children (the two in my arms and the ones I don’t yet know). We’re still just inching our way towards healing over here and not every day is easy, but the road feels as if it has been paved by a God who delights in showing off just how much He can do when we stop to ask. I began to think about Jesus praying for me. The verses in Hebrews 7 came to mind:

²⁵ Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

²⁶ Such a high priest truly meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens.

Jesus is interceding for me before my Father. He knows what I need. He knows what work needs to be done in my heart. He knows the details that still need to be completed. And He has a work for me to do. 

He knows Me! 

And He is going before God on my behalf. 

The word Delight came to mind. One of my favorite verses has been, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you desires of your heart." The last few months God has shown how he delights in me through the love of others. And that is how I felt as I thought about Jesus praying for me. Delight.

I sat there imagining Jesus talking to God. About me. For me.

Telling him my fears. Asking that I be given joy and excitement.

Telling him my insecurities. Asking that I be filled with confidence in who He made me to be.

I imgained him laughing and shaking his head as his girl struggles, yet again, to trust. Asking that I would be given grace and faith to believe in who God is. 

And I imagined Jesus, with a huge smile on his face, telling God, "She did it! She finally took a step into what we put on her heart so long along."

I can say God loves me. I think I tend to think of God's love for me in a, he has to love me, like a parent has to love their kid, sense. But he doesnt just love me. 

HE DELIGHTS IN ME!

He longs for me to be more like him and he is going to the Father, asking that he smooth out the rough edges. That he heal the broken pieces. That he nuture and care for me as I try to be obedient. 

And even thought I dont have the words to pray at the moment. Even though I dont even know what I need. 

He does.

He is praying.

The Beginning

I have received my acceptance as a three month intern with ReachGlobal in Haiti.

Getting to this point in the process has been a long journey for me. I would say it began years ago when I went on my first misssion trip to Brazil in 2003. That trip was the first of four to that incredible country and began my desire to be involved in international missions. 

Through my trips to Brazil, I developed a relationship with Steve and Liz Spellman who are Reach Gobal Missionaries to Brazil and Haiti since the earthquake in 2010. 

Last year, I was in a place personally where I just wanted to go, anywhere. To get out of my daily routine and be apart of something bigger than myself. To be willing and open to what and where God called. After a conversation with Steve, he suggested that I join he and Liz in Haiti for a week and just see what they are involved in. 

So in August of 2012, I flew to Haiti. I spent a week visiting Reach Global partners, sweating, exploring the town of Gressier, sweating, going on prayer walks with a visiting team from Brazil, sweating and enjoying the beauty of this county. Oh, and sweating!

I came home from that trip having left my heart in another country yet again. For the next year, I would think about this place almost daily. My prayer was (and continues to be) that God would give clarity on what my next steps should be and how this place fits into it. 

As I shared my thoughts with friends many of them would say why dont you just go? I would proceed to give my list of legitimate excuses. Things that are valid but in all reality are just my reasons for not wanting to step out and do something like this. It was three days after returning from Hait that I went skydiving and parallels that I saw between jumping out of a plane and my spiritual life have been a guiding factor in getting to this point (read about that adventure HERE)

Months passed by and the desire to go back to Haiti for a more substantial amount of time only grew. I was finally at a point of being able to let go of the things that were holding me back  and in August of 2013 I emailed Steve about what the possibilities of going would be. I received an application and then life happened. A death in the family, feeling empty and burnt out from my serving responsibilities at church and the excitment of a new boyfriend!!!! The application was put on the back burner but it continued to make its way to the front of my mind.

I had to remind myself that I had been thinking about and praying for this opportunity for over a year. God has given me two desires of my heart at the same time! Here were two answers to prayer and  I asked God why He couldnt have spaced them out. It has been a lesson on trusting in God's goodness and a lesson in obedience. 

So I finally submitted my application, a week later had my phone interview and two days after that I received my acceptance letter. My work has graciously given me a leave of absense for those 3 months. And that is where I am now! I am in the process of filling out paperwork, fundrasing and preparing my heart and mind for what will be an exciting (and challenging) adventure. 

My anticipated leave date is the end of March. There is much to get done, but I am getting excited about what lies ahead.

I look foward to sharing my journey with you and ask that you pray for me during this time.

The song below has become my prayer as I prepare to leave.

OCEANS

You call me out upon the waters

The great unknown where feet may fail

And there I find You in the mystery

In oceans deep

My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters

Your sovereign hand

Will be my guide

Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me

You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior