Dependence

I tend to think of myself as independent. I take care of myself and I think I do it pretty well. I can do what I want and go where I want. 

All of that is irrelevant here. I am dependent on everyone else. I cannot talk on my own. Even though I am taking Creole lesson and am finding that sometimes I am able to somewhat get the gist of what is being said, every time I want to say something, all of the words I do know are some how are no where to be found. 

I cannot go anywhere on my own. 1. language, see above. 2. safety. 3. I have no idea where i would am going (and there really aren't many places to go). 4. traffic in Haiti is like traffic in So CA on drugs. 5. If 1-4 weren’t issues, I don’t even know how to drive a stick shift, which all of the cars happen to be.

I was making banana bread this morning and I couldn’t even get the oven to turn on.

And not to mention there are still things I learning about culture and the way things work around here. Jen has been so gracious and kind in helping me with literally everything. But for someone who is used to doing it all on her own, this is tough.

As I was sitting today with my journal on my lap, I started to write about my frustrations with not being able to do anything for myself and being in this place of dependence. 

And God was saying that is exactly where I need to be. 

Continually.

In complete dependence on him.

He says his power is made perfect in my weakness. He wants me dependent on him so he can work. But I fight it. I fight it by continuing to try on my own. Or by freezing and not being able try at all. 

A sweet, new friend gave me this verse, “And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things, at all times, having everything you need, you will abound in every good work. “ 2 Cor 9:8

So grateful for a God whose power is not limited by my limitations. He will give me what I need and he will give it to me when I need it. He is continuing to say, keep going. Keep trying. I've got this.